they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
i think, so is the road to success and personal satisfaction. at least my road is.
even before i found myself a victim of mom-brain (seriously, what am i doing and why did i come into this room?) i have always struggled with “follow through”. in school, in business, in life. i have literally had thousands of great ideas (at least i consider them to be great) and yet have never had the capacity to see them through to fruition. i can’t even find the energy or gumption to regularly post to this blog, which i was super excited to maintain. motherhood is a fascinating, contemplative time for me and it’s something i was pretty sure i wanted to and was capable of sharing with others.
but it (as with my other web projects) has gone the way of the rest of my hobbies – guitar lessons, video games, cooking, photography, knitting – and business ideas – designing t-shirts and jewellery – little piles of project detritus cluttering my life.
i’m sure there are tons of people out there just like me. for the sake of argument and to make myself feel better we’ll call ourselves “beginners”. we’re the idea people, brainstorming and figuring out how to start something. but we need to be connected to those individuals who can take those ideas and run with them. i think “starting” is my strongest point. i really suck at finishing (take that as you will).
perhaps a lot of this inability to see things through is a product of poor organizational skills. i’m terrific at organizing things, as long as i organize myself to get things organized. but therein lies the rub, you see. i’d have to organize myself, and where do i even begin? it’s almost a catch 22. the house is a mess but i’ll figure it out when the bookshelf is sorted, although i won’t be able to sort the bookshelf until i figure it out. and round and round we go.
for now i have an easy out, i’ll blame it on the baby. she’s cool about it, doesn’t judge. at least, that is, until she starts up all sorts of activities i’m going to have to shuffle her to and from (and be on time) and remember the faces and names of all the friends (and their parents) she’s inevitably going to have.
that, i guess, is what they call good parenting. which, in and of itself, is a good intention. because lord (and my mom) knows every single thing we do is going to be wrong in 12 to 15 years anyway…