in my last post, i noted how distant i’ve grown from the person i used to be during this pregnancy.
i’ve always been a huge fan of interior design – always had an eye for it… at least that’s what i think. for awhile i even considered studying interior design as a career, maybe i should have. though, guaranteed i would have grown bored of it the way i’ve grown bored of everything else i’ve pursued (aside: it’s tough to be that kind of personality…)
since moving, i’ve had no vision for our new apartment. this will be our home for the next few years – we lucked into a great two bedroom in a trendy neighbohood for an incredible price, and yet, that’s where the love ends for some reason. there are things about this place i don’t like (it’s in desperate need of a proper paint job, the floors are dying to be refinished and the windows – all of them – are crying out for a comprehensive cleaning) but there are also things i love. little touches, like the interesting frames around the doors and the textured living room ceiling.
maybe i’m just feeling sad and self-pitying the size of my wallet. i haven’t worked in months (for many reasons) and dropping dollars on decorating feels like a luxury we just can’t indulge. “but what of second hand?” you say. yes, what of it? even trolling craigslist and the goodwill haven’t yielded any joy. why? because i just don’t know what i’m looking for. every room, every wall is a blank canvas and i just can’t picture anything on it.
at least the nursery is *finally* taking shape. we’ve cleared out a lot of the crap (but there’s more! there’s always more…), and set up most of the major pieces… but how do i decorate it? i’ve seen some amazing nurseries online, and even those of friends, but ours is falling flat and we’re running out of time.
the only really creative thing i’ve managed is to start the hand-painted floral mural. i’m not that great with acrylic paint (or any paint for that matter) but i’m kind of pleased with the result. i got the idea from a free people store – their change rooms have these unfinished murals on the walls. what’s the next step? i guess a few more blossoms trailing up the wall and behind the crib. i’d really like to make a beautiful dream catcher, but i’m super particular about what i want it to look like…
i don’t think i’ll be happy with the finished project though. i have this feeling it will always be a disappointing work in progress. but am i investing too much into this? at the end of the day, does it really matter? i want it to be perfect, although i guess in the long run, the only thing she will really care about is me.